return my video game
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
