that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
