Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
