she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
