So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
