I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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