Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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