I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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