That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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