proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
