Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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