I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
