He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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