Whod you bang
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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