So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you had me at cake vodka
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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