Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
