Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
