Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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