Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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