How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
