I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
