tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I am morally bankrupt
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
