guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
