Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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