Someone shit on the floor
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
