my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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