my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
