You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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