my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
