Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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