I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
