I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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