I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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