Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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