I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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