K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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