bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
