I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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