My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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