you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
