4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
