I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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