i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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