peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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