and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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