Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
