Non-Jews are for practice
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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