I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
