so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
