sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
