I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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