I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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