fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this just has baby written all over it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
