Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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