someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
