i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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