:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
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mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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