she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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