well you can't waste a boner
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
