Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
