I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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