you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
