I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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