He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
