My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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