i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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