Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
false alarm, still single
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
