I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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