I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My ass is underappreciated
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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