your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
