im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
