I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
