Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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