You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
