2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
