Already got asked if we're dating
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
