She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
