Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
