My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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