Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
