thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
