um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
