it was like his penis was on wheels.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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