Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
