i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
