you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Text me some of your sweat
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
